I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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