New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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