do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Non-Jews are for practice
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
