Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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