her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
