he thought i was a dude.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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