and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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