Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
