So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
