Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
