Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize