He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That accounts for only three of the penises
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
