I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize