What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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