sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
