shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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