Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
