Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
