I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
