I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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