I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
