I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
