Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
