You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
