Umm I'm too high to move.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
