Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
