The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So much rum. So many feels.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
