hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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