So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
