you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
