I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
