You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
