so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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