screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
