he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
