I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize