i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I AM VODKA MAN
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
