I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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