you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
