TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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