now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
