And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
