i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
