Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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