I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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