hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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