Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
