i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize