If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
