dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
