Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
