I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
