i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
