what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
