Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
