We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
