We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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