The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize