I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
