Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
