I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
