does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
