3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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