I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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