that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
