i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
