she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
