i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
