I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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