Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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