Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
